It’s About Asking for It, People!

This post is written by Nicole Heckers, MA, BCPC,

Vice President & Executive Career Coach at Heckers Development Group, LTD.

The fear of social blundering (the fear of being perceived as too aggressive) has stopped many would be profitable relationships and deals from ever taking place.

Our reluctance to move negotiations forward to avoid blowing the next opportunity (the job offer) or asking for networking assistance can actually be a misstep.  This waffling behavior reflects to others a lack of personal initiative, confidence and commitment.  If you present in interviews and in networking settings as being reluctant and uneasy with promoting yourself, not only is it a turn-off, but no one will ever understand what you do, what you’re looking for or want to hire you.  Lately I’ve seen far too many executives being overly cautious around their job search, afraid to be pro-active if it could blow their chances for a job offer.  When performing negotiations for their companies, they don’t hesitate to close the deal.  Conversely, when the issue is around selling themselves or asking for help, they resist going for the jugular even when the right time is right.

Of course there are individuals who actually are too pushy.  Their display of unnecessary aggression only limits their career.  If you’ve been told that you have a tendency to come across in this manner, begin to pay attention to your audience and the person in front of you.  Watch carefully your interactions and how others respond to you.  It is likely you will be given several verbal and non-verbal signals alerting you to lay-off and take a more gentle approach.

However, if you fall into the overly cautious category, don’t be afraid to be blunt and ask for help, or better yet, ask for the job.  If you haven’t gotten at least one job interview within the first 2 months of your job search, you’re not networking enough or being assertive enough to elicit new contact names from your network.  You must be persuasive or you’ll be easily overlooked.  Maintain the confidence you had as an employed executive as you network to uncover job leads, ask for new contact names or encourage the key decision maker to make a hiring related decision.  You don’t have time to waste.  Neither do you have time to worry about rejection and people telling you “no”.

Don’t be afraid to express your interest in an opportunity and ask for what you want.  At coffee meetings, start off by asking others how you can help.  “In order to help you I need to know a little bit more about you.  Tell me about yourself and what you’re looking for.  This will help give me an idea of people you should be talking to.”  While you’re discussing their needs, figure out how you can assist them.  Ask if they would like to have info. about useful job boards or effective networking events.  As you talk, if you feel your contact is trustworthy enough to be given names of people in your network, offer one or two names of people who could be helpful.  At this point, you’ve done your job.  Now it’s time to turn the conversation to what you’re looking for.  “Well if you don’t mind, let me tell you about my career for the next few minutes…”  If your contact is not volunteering contact names, ideas or leads, ask specifically for what you need. The following statements are designed to help steer your contact in the right direction.

“Well who do you know that you think I should be talking to for help, advice or information?”

“Who do you know that might be a smart person to talk to?”

“Do you know anyone from your former employment whom you think it would be valuable to spend time with?”

“How about your former boss, would it make sense to talk to that person?”

“Have you seen anything on the job boards that might  be a good fit for me?”

If you show the right mix of confidence, assertiveness and trustworthiness, you’re not going to damage your chance at generating leads and contact names in networking settings.

Demonstrating a straightforward attitude will also increase your chances of getting the job offer once you’ve made it to the interviewing stage.  As a hiring authority, I’ve chosen candidates who had enough courage to ask for the job.  Note that I did not say I hire people who out of desperation ask for the job, or bug me everyday about the job so I will choose them.  But I DO hire people who believe they are the right person for the job and leave me with the impression that they belong at my company.

For a number of years I have sat on a board that awards scholarship opportunities to high-school students.  Given the generally high quality of the applications and applicants themselves, it can be quite difficult to come to a decision.  Kids who are awarded the scholarship find some way in which to stand out from their peers.  The last student we gave the award to had an excellent application, but she also did something no other applicant did.  She asked to be chosen and told us how much this scholarship would mean if awarded to her.  Her genuine request struck a chord in me.  From that point forward as I was in the process of ranking all of the applications, I started to seriously consider her as the frontrunner.  The final decision was not mine alone to make.  As the votes were tallied, other members of the panel also selected this young woman as their top candidate, giving her enough votes to be our next 2010 recipient.

So if you’re gutsy and/or you have nothing to lose, be bold.  If you’re given some indication that you’re wanted on-board but there has been a delay in the decision making process, ask, “What can I do to expedite this?”  If you’ve met the hiring authority and want the available position, ask, “What is our next step because I’d like to come work for you.”  If told there is no open position, respond with, “Well I think you should make an opening.”  For this to work, you must truly believe you are worth making an opening for.  Being up front and asking for what you want will not only earn you respect, but it is likely to help you earn that next paycheck.